Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
