just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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