I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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