imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
