Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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