where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
