i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God I need to hump something, right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize