The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
