if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
