it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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