What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize