How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize