we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
