Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
