I cockslap morals
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize