Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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