i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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