Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
