He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
