YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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