I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I AM VODKA MAN
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
