This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
