I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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