You can't special order awesome
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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