I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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