How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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