I look better un-naked...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
