then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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