I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
