So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
