so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
