i would punch a child for taco bell
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
