it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
