woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
