You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
