Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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