so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Two words: blizzard sex
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize