Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
