Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Vodka?
Forever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
