I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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