You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
