So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
