I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
