she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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