Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
