Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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