New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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