butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
