1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
honey bunches of taint.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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