the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
