I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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