OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize