Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
