Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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