i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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