It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
