ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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