Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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