i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
