I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
