just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
