Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
