I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
