I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
