i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
