The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
