Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
