If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
