Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
