Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize