Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
